Behavior or Skill Gap?

How to spot Planning and Organizational challenges in kids.

It’s incredibly common for parents to interpret certain behaviors as defiance. When a child refuses to clean their room, ignores reminders, loses the same item for the third time in a week, or bursts into tears over a simple chore, the automatic assumption is often: “They don’t care,” or “They’re being disrespectful.” But in reality, many of these challenging moments stem not from unwillingness—but from executive functioning skill gaps, especially in planning and organization. Kids aren’t pushing back on purpose; they’re overwhelmed, under-resourced, or unsure where to start. When we view these moments through a skill-based lens rather than a behavioral one, everything changes. Here is a helpful table outlining the planning and organizational skills of children by age and ways to offer support to those who may need a boost in skill development.